


Kyle's Boomin' Quarantine

by KPesh123



Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Army, Bad Writing, Beer, Best Friends, Binge Drinking, Childhood Friends, China, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Dark Comedy, Drinking, Drugs, Friendship, Fucking, Good Writing, Heavy Drinking, House Party, Marijuana, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other, Pandemics, Party, Partying, Police, Police Brutality, Porn, Smoking, Tequila, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Whiskey & Scotch, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: It was the middle of the second semester and the Coronavirus was plaguing the world.  Within three weeks it went from being a problem with Chinese people eating cum filled bats and fucking dogs to a worldwide pandemic.  Kyle’s college was awaiting the closure, it was only a matter of time...
Series: Kyle's Boomin' Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867981
Kudos: 1
Collections: Story writing, laugh out loud





	Kyle's Boomin' Quarantine

**Author's Note:**

> Kyle and the boys get put into quarantine when Coronavirus plagues the world. The boys are forced to stay indoors, they have other plans instead.

Kyle’s Boomin Quarantine

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Kyle said to his roommate in shock when they got the email that classes were to be canceled for a month. 

“LET’S FUCKING GOOOOO!!!!!!” Shouted Fagnus from down the hall. Everyone was ecstatic that classes were officially canceled. 

It was the middle of the second semester and the Coronavirus was plaguing the world. Within three weeks it went from being a problem with Chinese people eating cum filled bats and fucking dogs to a worldwide pandemic. Kyle’s college was awaiting the closure, it was only a matter of time. 

Kyle had just come back from spring break. When Kyle wasn’t binge drinking and throwing up in Malcolm’s sink, he was getting nagged at by his mother to wash his hands and to refrain from touching his face. By the end Kyle had enough and was ready to go back to college, even though he was canceled and made fun of by everyone there. Kyle was only back for a solid day before classes were canceled. 

The email told the students that all classes were to be moved online for three weeks. It was suggested that all students go home and masturbate vigorously since that boosted the immune system, but they all liked chastity belts spiked into their two inch hard cocks thus keeping them on campus. Kyle was the only one to go home, by the force of his parents. Malcolm was planning to throw another party the next weekend, Kyle was not going to miss it for the world.

“What the fuck you mean I can’t hang with the guys?!” Kyle yelled over the phone to his parents.

“Kyle we can’t risk you getting sick, you need to practice social distancing.” Kyle’s mother responded.

“So you’re telling me that I have to sit in my house for three weeks with no social interaction from anyone?”

“Yep.” 

“Fuck. Can I at least take my Jeep out?”

“Nope.” 

“Hey boomer! Look, I dyed my hair! I’m a basic dumb blonde bitch now!” Nancy Drew shouted to Kyle as she approached him mid conversation. 

“Nancy fuck off, no one cares that you’re insecure.” Kyle hissed back, proceeding with his conversation on the phone. 

“Why do you hate me?!” Nancy cried to Kyle, tears rushing faster than Niagra Falls. 

“Nancy you openly admitted that you shoved a cucumber up your cunt to the thought of my grandfather dying, fuck off. I’m sorry Mom, what was that?” 

Kyle proceeded to talk with his mother. The general consensus was that Kyle wasn’t allowed to see anyone while he was back home. It was better for him anyways. Instead of being under twenty four hour quiet hours at college, he could sit alone in his bedroom with no life for the next three weeks. The conversation ended smoothly except for the fact that Nancy wouldn’t leave and stop crying.

“Will you shut up already?” Kyle asked Nancy. She eventually scurried off, wallowing in her sadness. 

Later that night Kyle’s parents picked him up in their slick new Mercedes. Since the campus was a socialist think tank everyone hated the thought of value and wealth. Anything from a Supreme fanny pack to someone’s gold colored bodily fluid was despised by the rest of the student body.

“Hey Kyle! Fuck you for having wealth!” J.C. Shouted from across the circle.

J.C. was one of the only people who still identified with Kyle. J.C. was the biggest snowflake Kyle had ever met, he was afraid of offending anyone unless it was Kyle. 

“We get it J.C. You’re a snowflake! Go back to jacking it to Bernie Sanders whipping all the members of Rage Against the Machine in gimp suits! Oh wait you can't, your dick is the size of a Christmas tree light!.” Kyle responded. 

Needless to say J.C. ran off and attempted exactly that, failing to succeed since he had a micropenis smaller than Hitler’s. After that shitshow, Kyle went back down to his hometown. Kyle was not a bright person. There were no confirmed cases of the virus at his college. In his hometown, Parkersville New Jersey, there were two confirmed cases and many more with symptoms. Kyle was going to be trapped for a while, he was not the only one however. Malcolm quit his job at the local Acme, he saw the virus as an excuse to leave. At the very last minute right before his shift, Malcolm called in and quit. Acme wasn’t mad that they were now a man short, they were mad that they lost their best cashier. Malcolm could not give two shits, when they came crawling back to him he hung up on them mid-sentence. This led Malcolm to be quarantined in his house for a solid two to three weeks. The rest of the guys had their freedom, everyone was having the time of their lives while Kyle and Malcolm jerked off alone in their beds. 

A few weeks before the Coronavirus blew up the boys got together for Malcolm’s birthday. The party was an absolute shitshow but the group came closer together. Every week after that the boys would come together and binge drink until someone threw up, in many cases multiple casualties occured. With the self quarantine in session, the boys resorted to group facetime in order to not go crazy.

There were a few members added to the group since the Wank Bang Incident only a few months before. The pledges included Mark, a veteran stoner who at first had a rocky relationship with Kyle. They patched that up at Malcolms party. Jay, a sophmore in high school who got kicked out of the boys old high school due to smoking weed and failed drug tests. Finally Nick, a friend of Malcolm’s and an acquaintance of Kyle’s. He prank called a bitch everyone hated giving him full on glory. 

“Damn that sucks you can’t go out.” Mark told Malcolm and Kyle.

“Yea ever since I quit, I’ve just been getting stoned in my room. My dad caught me, but he’s given up at this point.” Malcolm responded.

“Okay how the fuck did you get caught?” Kyle asked in a disappointing manner. 

“So my plug came while my dad was home, he saw the whole thing. The sad thing is that I think he was more concerned about the virus than me hitting a cart in his house.” 

“Oh that’s classy.” Kyle responded.

“So what’ve you been doing Kyle?” Mark asked.

“Jacking off and day drinking, online classes don’t start for another week.” 

“Healthy.”

“Indeed.” 

Kyle was eventually able to get the Jeep out and drive around town. Even with two cases in the town and the disease getting worse, nothing seemed a miss. The streets were packed with cars, the parks were packed with families walking their dogs and having picnics. It was the next day three more cases were confirmed in the area. With that the President initiated Marshall Law, all businesses had to close and no one could leave their homes. The National Guard had to patrol the streets, anyone who was seen walking around got arrested on site.

“Nice, we’re all quarantined now.” Gianni told the guys on facetime annoyed. 

“Welcome to our world.” Malcolm responded. 

“Hey I’d rather be quarantined in my house than be in a hospital room dying from the virus.” Jay remarked. 

“At this rate the world is fucked.” Mark stated. “Look at how fast it spread in the matter of only three months.” 

“This is gonna suck.” Gianni stated. 

Since Kyle’s college only cared about not offending anyone of a different race, they refused to quarantine those not white due to fears of xenophobia. Needless to say whoever remained on campus was infected with the disease, the president of the college at first did nothing believing that those who were white and sick were being racist. Once she got infected however her pandering changed to fears of law suits, now knowing how the disease felt. All online classes were cancelled, those at home had three weeks to do whatever they wanted. Unfortunately Kyle and the boys could not celebrate since the entire town was under Marshall Law. That’s what Kyle thought at least. 

It was 8:00 at night, Kyle was in his room watching Danny Mullen fuck with liberals on a college campus when he heard rocks being thrown at his window. Kyle opened the window to find all the boys, minus Jon and Chris, on his front lawn. All the boys had masks covering their faces and were wearing black. 

“What the fuck are you guys doing out? You know how much trouble you’d get into?” Kyle whispered to the guys. 

“We snuck out, we’re going to the local liquor store to steal all the booze. We're gonna party in Malcolm’s basement tonight, you in?” Mark said.

“Fuck it I’m in, let me get some black clothes on. I don’t have a mask though.”

“We got you one.” Nick said, throwing it up at Kyle.

“Bet.” 

After five minutes Kyle climbed down his window and landed hard on his ass. He was wearing all black, including the mask. It was obvious Kyle was not thrilled with his appearance. 

“Jesus fuck I look like a retarded emo.” Kyle said disappointedly. 

“It’s not like anyone will see you.” Malcolm stated.

“You right, by the way where’s Jon and Chris?” Kyle asked. 

“Jon got the virus, he attempted to lose his virginity to a Chinese hooker…” Malcolm said.

“Oh shit.” Kyle responded. 

“That’s not all, he also has herpes now.” 

“Fuck. What about Chris?” 

“He’s pretty tied up if you know what I mean.” Gianni stated.

“Wait, like?” 

“Yes, Addie has him tied to his bed at the moment.” 

“The fuck?! That shit is still going on?!” 

In high school, Chris had a girlfriend named Addie. Everyone in the group hated her. In junior year, she came to their lunch table and wouldn’t leave. It was well known throughout the group that she wanted to fuck everyone there except for Kyle since he was a hideous Guyanese demonic creature. Kyle was glad however, Addie was a dumpster fire headcase. Addie made everything awkward and eventually the boys kicked her out of the table. Word through the grapevine was that she was very kinky. Malcolm recalled seeing Chris in gym class with hickeys all over his neck and chest. It was no surprise to Kyle that Chris was tied up at that moment. What was surprising to Kyle was that the relationship was still going on. A few months before Chris told Kyle how the relationship had gone to shit and that Addie had become a clingy cunt. Malcolm also told Kyle about how Addie sucked Chris’s cock while he was sleeping, technically raping him. 

“Alright what’s the plan?” Kyle asked. 

“We’re gonna sneak into town, cutting through the backyards, and break through the back window of the liquor store.” Jay said. 

“Bet.” 

The boys went into Kyle’s backyard and started hopping fences until they reached the first main road. Gianni was the first to step out and take a look. Down the road was a humvee which was going away from the boys. They were away from its field of vision. The boys quickly sprinted across the street into the nearest backyard. They continued to climb fences, quickly darting through some residential streets, until alas they reached the main street of the town. Since Borough Hall, the police and fire station, and the town square were there, the National Guard was everywhere.

“What the fuck are we going to do? They’re everywhere!” Nick said. 

“I have an idea.” Kyle stated. “Mark you have those bottle rockets from a few weeks ago right?” 

“Yea?”

“Go down the street, through the backyards of course and light one off. Jay you take these and fire them the other way. Gianni you sneak to the top of middle school and light one. And this time, don’t get caught.” 

A few years before, Kyle and Gianni were trying to climb to the roof of the middle school in the center of town. A townie with nothing else to do was walking his dog at night and saw them. They didn’t think he saw them. Since this guy was a bootlicking normie, he called the police. Kyle got tired of Gianni’s failed attempts to get on top of the school and started to walk away. It was then when Gianni speed walked up to Kyle.

“Alright let’s go now.” Gianni said in a nervous manner. 

“Why what’s up?” Kyle asked.

“I don’t know, just walk quickly.”

It was at that moment when two police cars drove up to them. One on the driveway going up to the side of the school, one driving up the lawn of the town field. Since Gianni and Kyle were underage, they didn’t get arrested. The cops took down their information and raged at the boys for wasting their time. By the end of the altercation the cops dropped their tough guy persona and everything was good. Gianni had been in many more situations like that with Mark, Kyle went to college instead. 

“Don’t worry I learned my lesson, I know what to do.” Gianni reassured Kyle. 

“Ight bet let's break boys.” 

Kyle, Malcolm, and Nick waited in the batch of woods behind the row of small office buildings. Two minutes passed when the first bottle rocket went off, four humvees drove in that direction. Two minutes later the other bottle rocket went off, four more humvees went in the other direction. Two minutes after that Gianni’s bottle rocket was planned to go off, it didn’t however. Kyle texted Gianni and asked him if everything was good. Kyle got a text back.

“It happened again.” The text wrote. 

“You gotta be fucking kiding me, the fucker got busted again!” Kyle said frustrated.

“Alright let’s go.” Malcolm responded. 

Kyle, Malcolm, and Nick snuck over behind the middle school. Gianni was on his knees with handcuffs on. Four National Guardsmen surrounded him with clubs. Due to Gianni being Italian, his skin tone was darker. That was good enough for the Guardsmen. They proceeded to beat Gianni worse than the police at the Rodney King incident.

“Malcolm, record this shit. I’m going to confront them.” Kyle instructed. 

Kyle ran out to confront the Guardsmen. All four stopped beating Gianni and looked over at Kyle. Since Kyle was half Guyanese they started to approach him with their clubs. Kyle ran, all four followed. Malcolm ran to assist Gianni, who was bruised and bleeding. Nick followed the Guardsmen with his phone on record. Once the Guardsmen knew they were being recorded, they backed off and ran away. They met up with Mark and Jay who also had to run away from Guardsmen. The boys went to the back of the liquor store and broke through the window. The boys proceeded to fill their bags with anything they could fit. Beer, whiskey, vodka, tequila, and many more filled their bags. The boy's goal now was to get back to Malcolm’s basement.

The boys went out the back door, they darted across the main street, being seen by more Guardsmen. The boys made it back to the school where they were surrounded by the National Guard. This time the Sergeant approached them. 

“Well it seems you boys have caused us a bit of trouble. You know you shouldn’t be out.” The Sergeant said.

“Fuck off.” Mark replied.

“You boys are under arrest.” The Sergeant stated.

“Sir we have video proof of your men beating the ever living fuck out of our Italian friend here. And these same men started to chase our Guyanese friend over here.” Nick stated.

“The fuck?! I’m black! They’d fucking kill me!” Jay shouted. 

“We have our ways of getting it away from you.” The Sergeant said. 

“Sir I’m a social influencer on Instagram, take one step and a small amount of people will see it.” Nick claimed. 

“Oh fuck, let them go.” The Sergeant panicked. 

“Also give us a ride to my house.” Malcolm said.

“Yes sir right away.” 

The Sergeant drove the boys in his humvee back to Malcolm’s house. There they went into Malcolm’s basement. Tables and chairs were already set up. They were now loaded with alcohol and weed. The boys were ready to party. They spent the remainder of the night binge drinking. In the previous weeks, the boys had a curse going on at their parties. At Malcolm’s birthday party, Mark threw up while tripped out on shrooms. The next week Kyle had one to many drinks and threw up in Malcolm’s sink. The week after that three of the boys threw up from drinking too much. Jay, Malcolm and Nick. In Malcolm’s basement, it was Gianni’s turn. At around 1:00am Gianni was crossed beyond belief. Without thinking he threw up all over the floor, completing the curse. Kyle spent the remainder of his break partying secretly with the boys in Malcolm’s basement. In the three weeks the boys finished all of the booze they stole. 

  
  


I hope you enjoyed my Boomin Quarantine, now I have to boost my immune system if you know what I mean. So fuck off. 

  
  



End file.
